WHATEVS…

(Day 12: What are you excited about?)

Our girl turned 7 this week and despite the “stay at home” orders still in place, I think we managed to make it a kick-ass birthday for her. She’s been all smiles from Thursday (her actual birthday) through Saturday (when her “party” took place) because those three days were all about her. But in the process, it occurred to me that there’s a whole list of things I never expected to do altogether in the span of just three days… Or perhaps at all.

Like most of you, family is huge to us. A birthday never passes without a family gathering of some sort. My dad, my sister, and my sister’s family along with hubby’s mom, twin brother, and dad and stepmom are always there to sing her “Happy Birthday,” watch her blow out the candles, and enjoy a piece of cake. Not being able to do that this year was rough but she made the best of it. She accepted video calls throughout the day to “see” the people she’d normally see and enjoyed having birthday dinner (and cake!) with a smaller group.

Scraping “Mother’s” off of the “Birth” Day cake hubby bought.

Usually, my sister makes her birthday cake and it’s always something giant and artistic and worthy of Cake Boss. But this year, we’re saving that one for whenever we’re (legally, safely) able to throw her a party. So I offered to make her a cake or order one from a local bakery to celebrate with in the day of. Her decision? She wanted the chocolate-on-chocolate cake from Costco. Two layers of rich dark chocolate cake coated in a chocolate frosting with chocolate ganache in the center. Yeah, that’s my kid. Anyway, when hubby got there, there was only one left on the shelf and it said “Happy Mother’s Day” on it in bright red icing. Our girl was not amused. Thus led us to scraping “Mother’s” off and using M&Ms to spell out some semblance of the word “birth” in multicolored candy to appease her.

Discussing where to position Sven and Lars, our Christmas elves, in May.

“We have to make it magical for her!” If insisted. Of course that meant our Christmas elves would make an appearance for her birthday. They showed up on Thursday morning, dangling from balloons we’d hung the night before. And when I checked my email that morning, there was one from Sven that explained Santa had granted them three vacation days to spend with us before Rudolph would pick them up on Saturday night. They brought a gift and she was so tickled to see them!

Watching our girl slide down a water slide, in May.

It was a gift from Memere. And hubby “had to make sure it worked and wasn’t damaged or anything.” It was only about 60 degree so he insisted he wouldn’t hook up the hose to it. Fast forward about a half hour and our girl is rushing out of the house in last year’s too-small swimsuit and sliding down into the icy pool at the slide’s base as passersby were walking by the house in pants and hoodies. Surely if there was a Mother of the Year trophy available, it’s this act that would’ve earned me my nomination.

Hearing our girl exclaim, “I can’t believe it’s a blizzard outside!” and confirming with a glance out the window that she’s right… You guessed it… In May.

So to recap: The US economy grinded to a halt nearly two months ago (and has largely remained that way since). Schools are closed for the remainder of the academic year, so from March through June. A fabulous foreign species known as “the murder hornet” (which sounds to me like the name of a semi-pro prison-based dodgeball team if you want the truth) landed on American soil. And snow was forecast for May 9. In our area, it ended up being “just” flurries but thanks to the wind gusts yesterday, DID look blizzard-like for a few minutes. But oddly enough, this didn’t even make the top ten of strangest happenings in 2020 so far.

Setting up a folding table by the road to hold the cupcakes for our girls birthday parade.

Our girl never NOT has a party. And we usually go all out. This year, though? No can do. Venues aren’t open and gatherings of over five people are prohibited. We’ve promised her a big party as soon as we’re allowed, which we’re all hoping will be this summer. But in the meantime, we jumped on the latest bandwagon by celebrating in the trendiest of ways…. With a car parade. Our friends and family did not disappoint. They came rolling down the street with their cars decorated, silly string flying, music blaring, horns beeping, and shouts of celebration streaming out their windows. It. Was. Awesome. But I hope to never have to organize one again because I hope all those people will be able to come to our house, walk into our backyard, and party with us for longer than it takes to drive by and grab a roadside cupcake. It was equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming to witness.

Taking a family selfie to excitedly show off the new face masks we were gifted.

Maureen, our former daycare provider who cared for our girl from the time she was six weeks old until the day she (Maureen) retired, is a crafty person who loves to sew. She’s come to our girl’s birthday celebration every year since birth and always gifts beautiful, handmade gifts. A few years ago, for example, it was a quilted library bag that we still love and use to this day. This year, it was face masks. And we LOVED them

I’m so excited that our girl’s birthday was everything she wanted it to be and I’m so thankful that she has taken all of this covid-related wackiness in stride. We are so lucky to call her ours.

#QuaratineHairDontCare

My love affair with Zumba began about two years ago with a drunken pinkie promise  in the booth of a Denny’s Restaurant at around 2:30am. (Isn’t that where all good things begin, really?) “Okay, I’ll give it a try,” I vowed.

And I hated my first class.

I agreed to “give it another try” before making up my mind, though. And after a few such tries, I was hooked.

Hi, I’m Sierra and I’m an addict. It’s been three hours since my last class.

All people belong in one of three groups: those who have no idea what Zumba is, those who haven’t tried Zumba yet, and those who love Zumba. There’s no other option. I assure you.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ZUMBA IS…

It’s the most fun you’ll ever have while working out. And the number of calories you can burn in an hour is astounding. So, please. Crawl out from the rock under which you’ve been living for the past 10+ years and YouTube it. Wiki it. Google it.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T TRIED ZUMBA YET…

You have your reasons, I know. But I’m here to dispell them.

I’d be terrible at Zumba because I can’t dance. Wrong. If you can follow along when Aunt Millie breaks out with the good ol’ Electric Slide any family function with a DJ, then you can Zumba. That’s all Zumba is, really…just a series of line dances you haven’t learned yet. Here’s what you can expect from a Zumba class: An instructor will turn off the overhead lights (and likely turn on some sort of strobes or colored lights), the students will cheer, and then he or she will lead the class through about 55 minutes of easy-to-follow, repetitive dance moves followed by about 5 minutes of stretching. Just do your best to follow along and if you can’t understand how to do a move, just do something else instead. The goal is to keep moving. And with the lights off, no one is really going to notice what you’re doing anyway.

I can’t go to Zumba! I’m a dude! Tell that to my husband Chris, who’s been coming to class with me multiple times per week since the beginning. True, attendance is predominantly (okay, almost exclusively) female. But I’ve had a handful of male classmates…and even a few male instructors. No one is going to look at you cross-eyed, I promise.

I’m not in good enough physical shape to take a Zumba class. You don’t have to be in shape at all. In fact, if you’re not in shape, that’s a pretty good reason to start going, isn’t it? All good instructors will be glad to show you how to modify movements as needed. Bad knees? Step side-to-side instead of jumping. Can’t figure out what the heck everyone is doing when the instructor yells “Merengue!”? March in place. Having a hard time popping your hip as quickly as the person next to you? Try going at half-speed. No one is going to bat an eye at what you are or aren’t doing during class as long as you’re moving.

I wouldn’t know what to wear. Though the Zumba website offers a full wardrobe of Zumba gear (including under garments and shoes), there’s no uniform. Sure, you’ll see some students in the official garb. But most of us just wear a comfy t-shirt and some yoga pants. Or sweats. Or basketball shorts. Really the only criteria is that it’s comfortable and breathable. Dress like you’re about to go for a jog. When it comes to shoes, go for something lightweight with little or no tread. Stay away from running shoes (or any other shoe geared toward forward motion) and dance shoes (or any other shoe with no or split soles). 

I’m afraid to go by myself…who will I talk to? Before class begins, you can say hello to the other people in class. We’re friendly. But beware. If you tell us it’s your first class, we’ll probably shoot off on a tangent about how great Zumba is. During class, no one has the breath to talk to anyone else anyway. And after class you’ll be so sweaty you won’t want to hang around to mingle.

How will I know what to do or where to stand? We’re friendly, yes, but we can also be territorial. Ultimately, we’re there to work out so our goal is to be certain we’ll have full range of motion throughout class. Others crowding into “our” space or otherwise inhibiting our movement is a buzzkill. Some tips for your first class:

• Don’t encroach upon the front row. That’s where the regulars (and/or friends of the instructor) stand. And you definitely don’t want to be there if you don’t have some semblance of an idea as to what you’re doing because as the instructor moves around the room, the rest of the class will invariably rely on those in the front row to know what move is next.
• Don’t hide in the back of the room. You’ll never be able to see the instructor from the back row. If you can’t see the instructor, you chances of learning the steps are diminished.
• Don’t stand smack in the center of the room. Newbies typically prefer to fly under the radar. But here’s a hint: Everyone watches the instructor. The instructor typically stands at the front of the class near the center. So try to choose a spot near the edges of the room (even if it’s near the front). Everyone will be looking towards the center so no one will notice what you’re doing.
• Don’t try to keep yourself lined up too perfectly with anyone else. Stand slightly to the left or right of the people in front of you (and behind you). Stand slightly in front of (or behind) the people to your left and right. This will give everyone the illusion of having more room to move.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LOVE ZUMBA…

You’ve tried it. You love it. You can’t wait to go back to your next class. Here are some important things to keep in mind:

Not all instructors are created equal. I’m not Zumba certified but I’ve heard from those who are that “certification is a joke.” To become certified to teach classes, you pay a fee and show up for a one-day training seminar. Attendance is taken at the start of the day. And certification is given out at the end of the day. But there’s no tracking who actually stays for the middle part of the day when all the “training” actually takes place. That said, some instructors take what they do seriously. Those are the instructors who spend time selecting music, choreographing, and arranging their routines to maximize your calorie burn. If the class isn’t full, chances are the instructor isn’t very good (or is unfortunate enough to have a terrible timeslot for class). If you’re not sweating by, say, the third song, chances are the instructor isn’t very good. If you’re bored, chances are the instructor just ins’t for you. There are so many different “flavors” of Zumba classes so if one isn’t working for you, try another instructor.

The music is an important aspect of class. But it’s not the ONLY important aspect. I have seen some classmates (literally!) pop in earplugs at the start of class to shut out some of the noise. I’ve also seen some classmates bow their heads, raise their hands, and pretty much fade into their own two-steppin’ world the minute their “jam” comes on. Ideally, you should be somewhere in between these two extremes. If you don’t like the music, you should try another instructor; every instructor has their own style and chooses their playlist based on what they like. I’ve been to classes where the music is entirely instrumental, classes where the playlist could’ve been pulled from the American Top 40’s countdown, and classes where unusual-to-Zumba genres (ie country, techno, classic rock) have been sprinkled throughout. Find a class that suits your taste. But once you do, remember that your job doesn’t end with simply enjoying the soundtrack. Now you’ve got to MOVE.

Everyone—probably even you—has a nickname. When Chris and I first started going to Zumba, we didn’t know anyone else in our class. Two years later, we still don’t know most of them by name. But we’ve got nicknames for almost all the regulars. There’s Cow, a (despite what you may have thought) very physically fit woman who chews loudly on gum throughout every class EVER. And Hip (who over-exaggerates all hip motions). Soccer and Soccer Mom (a young, athletic girl who wears soccer shorts and sweat bands and her mother) always come together. Skunk used to have dark hair with a light streak down it…but will forever be Skunk regardless of her current hair color. Earplug hates loud music. I used to think this was “our” ritual—naming our classmates. Until one day when I heard Wingspan (the tallest, lankiest woman I’ve ever seen) whisper something to her friend about Google. I was not party to their conversation but as soon as she said Google, the three of us instinctively looked to the front of the room at the girl who immediately begins walking through the routine the moment she hears the next song start playing. She. Knows. EVERYTHING. And that’s the moment I realized that it’s not just something Chris and I do. About a year into attending Zumba, having lost a fair amount of weight, Soccer Mom approached me and said, “You look great. My daughter and I call you guys the Disappearing People.” It was then that I realized *gasp* we might even have our own nicknames from our classmates. (Side note: I’d HATE to know what Soccer Mom calls me now…post-baby and not-so-disappearing these days…)

You’re working out. Not starring in a J-Lo music video. Unless it’s a wedding band, jewelry really doesn’t belong in a Zumba class. So, please, remove your four inch hoop earrings before the warm-up. You are not obligated to coif your hair or layer on make-up for that 8am class on Saturday. You’re going to sweat. It’s okay to look a bit disheveled. There’s this one girl—I like to call her Porn Star—who comes to class every now and then. She arrives in a t-shirt, pony tail, and the teeniest short shorts known to man. And by the third (or so) song, without fail, she presses one hand up against the mirror and pulls her ponytail out with the other. She literally shakes her hair out. Then takes off her shirt and finishes class in her sports bra and teensy shorts. And every time she does this (which is every time she’s in class, mind you), I’m not the only one stifling a laugh and rolling my eyes. No one cares what you look like. Trust me.

If you’re not having a good time, you’re doing it wrong. It’s okay to smile. It’s okay to ham it up. Get lost in the music. Get lost in your movements. Know what you’re doing? Then do it bigger. The more fun you have, the more you’ll want to move. And the more you move, the more calories you’ll burn.